Miscarriage is the Loss of a ‘Real’ Child and Requires Compassion

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Fr. Frank Pavone recently wrote a lovely column about the need for compassion when helping someone who has experienced a miscarriage:

Miscarriage is a tragedy that so many people misunderstand. They are not quite sure how to console a friend or relative who has suffered this loss.

While there are no magic formulas, there is one fundamental truth that needs to stay front and center: a miscarriage is the loss of a child who is just as real and has just as much value as any other child of any age. A woman who has a miscarriage is a parent who has lost a child, as is the father of the child as well.

In a society which continues to have a legal and cultural blind spot for the unborn, many suffer from the illusion that miscarriage doesn’t grieve a parent as much as the loss of, well, a “real child.” And that is precisely what hurts so much. We can never console someone in grief if we imply, even remotely, that the person they lost wasn’t real.

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I can’t imagine what kind of person tells a mother that the child she lost in the womb wasn’t real. Mind you, we are presumably talking about a so-called “wanted” child, here, which even the most ardent abortion proponents will acknowledge as a living human being. But it happens.

Earlier this year, a woman I’m friends with suffered a miscarriage, her first, and was shocked to experience what she called “intimidation and minimization” from nurses throughout the process, combined with “vague, allusive, insensitive, de-humanizing descriptions about what I should expect during the course of my ‘labor.’” This inspired her to start a “Miscarriage Awareness Project” stillbirthday.pngthat has become the recently launched StillBirthday.com: “…because a pregnancy loss is still a birth day.”

Stillbirthday is a place for women experiencing or have experienced a miscarriage to find comfort and healing for their loss. There is also information on what to expect during a miscarriage that respects both the humanity of the unborn child and the sensitivities of the heartbroken mother and father. To find out more, ‘like’ them on Facebook or visit Stillbirthday.com

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