I just recently watched the documentary, Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience, which explores the firsthand accounts of American servicemen and women through their own words. It is amazing to hear about war from those who actually experience it. It’s a much different story than you will ever get from your history books or any news article or Washington press briefing. There are a few stories that I really wanted to share with you all.

First is from U.S. Army Staff Sergeant Jack Lewis who writes about coming across and Iraqi father who just lost his son in a road-side accident or explosion of some kind and being able to relate to that man through his own experience of losing his unborn daughter:

The next is from U.S. Army First Lieutenant Sanjoon Han who describes what he wrote this way:

“This is a story that I heard over and over again from so many people and the exact details…they’re not going to be completely accurate which is why I call it fiction. But the broad strokes – those are based on actual events”

This story reminds me of what I wrote last year about fighting for life in a time of war:

As I fight for the right to life of every human being here at home, many of our service men and women are living in a situation where they not only run the risk of being killed, but also might have to be the ones doing the killing themselves.

This is a hard realization to come to terms with. I understand that, unlike abortion war is sometimes necessary – even justified at times – but that doesn’t make the thought of killing and bloodshed less revolting. As Hemingway put it:

“Never think that war, no matter how necessary nor how justified, is not a crime”

When we speak of our veterans and our combat soldiers overseas, we tend to put a lot of emphasis on the sacrifice they make in risking their own lives and having to watch their fellow soldiers get killed; we talk about flag draped coffins and our wounded warriors and their life altering physical injuries. All are significant, don’t get me wrong, and all are reasons that have moved me to adopt three of our soldiers over the years. But we rarely mention, and I wonder if we really even think about, the emotional and psychological trauma that they experience when they take the life of another (other) individual(s).

Maybe we don’t think this is as important. That it doesn’t have as much of an effect on a soldier. Maybe we take for granted the fact that killing is one of the duties of a soldier. That somehow it’s not too difficult to accept and come to terms with killing when it is necessary for defending oneself, one’s fellow soldiers, one’s country. But many of those who have experienced it tell us a different story. Lt. Han explains:

Practically the moment you’re born you’re told it’s wrong to kill people. And then you’re put into a situation where you’re told that’s what you’re supposed to do and it’s not something you can turn off so quickly.

While killing enemy combatants may be morally justified, taking the life of another human being is not a natural impulse. Along with their physical injuries, many service people come home from war with serious psychological baggage – from the death they witnessed in combat, from the death they brought about themselves.

In part of his interview Sgt. Jack offers this poignant reflection on two young soldiers’ first real wartime experience:

It was my guys’ first go around and they reacted so perfectly and so professionally and here’s, you know, a 20 yr. old and a 23 yr. old. Just the way we drilled it – and we had drilled it plenty. And you know they were effective and they were not sluggish, they weren’t confused, just everything they did was ballet perfect. And then we got back to the FOB and fueled our vehicle and went over and regrouped in a defact parking lot and my driver seemed like he was pretty much ok. He was smoking pretty fiercely, but pretty much ok. My gunner was…was a wreck. I mean, he was shaking so hard, you know. It’s a little hard to know what to say to somebody who’s 23 years old and just cut somebody in half with a machine gun

War is certainly hell, justified or not, and has a profound impact on the world as a whole but most significantly on the lives of the men and women called to fight in them. Says Sgt. Lewis:

War is a passage – whether you live or whether you die.

Pray for our soldiers – support them with your letters and packages. Remember those overseas, but also those who come home, changed forever.

Let us also remember to love our enemies. War does not change the fact that all human life is sacred – created by a loving God and loved by Him infinitely, without exception. May our enemies experience this loving God, repent from their evil ways and throw themselves into the arms of the God of mercy Who knows and loves their inmost being.

You can read all of the writings from the documentary at the PBS website or order the DVD (also available through Netflix)

Some other interesting reflections from the interviewees

“I find combat – the actual process of pulling the trigger and exploding things and killing people, to be very far removed from any agenda, whatsoever. Once you’ve entered that interaction it’s black and white. It’s kill or be killed. And, so that has nothing to do with anything you believe –U.S. Army Sergeant John McCary, read his poem To the Fallen

You’re afraid alot when you’re in the situation, and fear does not bring out the best in us. It brings out a lot of ugliness. And you really hate the people who make you feel afraid because you’re ashamed of being afraid. And you become a racist because you simply see them as a mass – a dangerous mass. To some extent you almost have to see them that way for your own protection. —Tobias Wolff, Vietnam veteran

One hard thing I can say is that in combat, generally you do not know if you’ve killed anybody. By and large it’s chaos…and very rarely does a soldier know that he, and now she, has absolutely and actually killed someone. Not that it doesn’t happen, because it does, but it’s fairly rare. In my own case, I don’t know if I ever killed anyone. All I know is I pulled the trigger a lot, sprayed fire, and years afterward hope I didn’t hit anything. But, nonetheless, I have to take responsibility for causing the death of other human beings. I was a soldier, I put the uniform on, I went over, I was in the army, I pulled the trigger. To not assume responsibility seems to me the most flagrant and disgusting lie one can tell oneself. You have to accept it. —Tim O’Brien, author, Vietnam veteran

I feel for them (our soldiers in Iraq and Afghanistan), even though, as I say, we’re quite different since none of them was drafted and they all did volunteer. But once you get there, I guess, that difference evaporates. Cuz they basically have to do the same thing I did, and basically for the same reasons, too. I mean you get them off base, you get them a beer or something, they might talk about the flag and mom and apple pie and so forth. But that’s not what it’s about. It’s about killing the enemy. And get him first, you know. Get him hard, get him first and then go home. That’s what it’s about. —Joe Haldeman, author, Vietnam veteran