Robert Colquhoun has some good advice for parents on how to teach young people sexual values:
Both teenagers and parents have a desire for the truth on matters of sexuality. In a sexually saturated culture, there is a demand for clear teaching and responsibility. Many problems can occur when parents become disconnected from the lives of their children. In Britain, a number of legislative events have happened, encouraging access to contraception and abortion without parental consent. The Gillick ruling in 1985 upheld the ruling allowing doctors to prescribe contraceptives to girls under 16. Some parents would rather preach to the British National Party on mixed race marriages than give their children the birds and the bees talk on sexual values. Today, the average teenager will hear and see up to 480,000 sexual references, innuendos or images by the time they leave school. If young people do not hear truth from good sources, where will they turn to find about the truth and meaning of human sexuality?
His assessment here is pretty spot-on. Like reading, writing and arithmetic, many, if not most, parents have left the education of their children on human sexuality up to the schools. “Sex ed” is something they’ve just come to expect in the classroom and, believe it or not, some parents even get upset when it is not offered in any way, shape or form. Not too long ago I heard a woman complaining that her 14 year old daughter was not getting any kind of “sex education” at her Lutheran middle school so she had to set her daughter down by herself and make sure she knew that whenever she’s ready to have sex she should let mommy know so that she can get her on birth control right away.
But what about those parents who actually want to promote abstinence among teenagers? Colquhoun continues:
When talking about sexual values, fear tactics do not work. The value of chastity is not abstinence. Abstinence is only the lack of sexual expression. If young people are aware of positive reasons for saving sex until marriage, it is more likely the message will be accepted. The call to love and be loved is more powerful than the imposition of fear.
I’ve said here before that there are much better ways to promote abstinence/chastity. than trying to scare them into obedience with the horrors of teen pregnancy and STDs. Sure, they need to know the risks of sexual immorality, but, let’s face it, if there’s one thing teens like to do it’s take risks as they, for the most part, tend to think they’re invincible. Thus, they also need a good, positive and convincing reason to remain pure. For the record, I am not opposed to kids learning about contraception – the fact that it exists, how it works, etc… I just don’t like it being offered and encouraged for use as an alternative to abstinence or some kind of “fail safe.” Kids do not need condoms! What they need is support and encouragement to see and love with a pure heart and aspire to something higher and greater than what the world would have them settle for. It may be difficult to maintain purity, what with their raging hormones and a sex saturated culture, but it’s not impossible:
“To be pure, to remain pure, can only come at a price, the price of knowing God and loving him enough to do his will. He will always give us the strength we need to keep purity as something as beautiful for him.”
–Mother Teresa
Read the rest of Colquhoun’s article for some practical tips for chastity education.